Rage Against the Pregnancy - 35 Weeks
I spoke too soon I guess. Friday I woke up with a return of the stomach pain and vomiting, this particular houseguest has definitely overstayed its welcome (as if it ever was welcome). I'm just at a loss and frusterated at this point, I feel so helpless that I don't know what is causing it or how to make it go away. At least with morning sickness you know what it is, how to try to prevent it, and that it goes away. But this? As far as I can tell the only thing that is going to stop it is delivery, which thankfully is very soon.
Ian did just have the suggestion that perhaps my stomach problems are due to anxiety, he said "you do have a lot going on right now", which actually made some sense after I thought about it. My stomach has always seemed very in tune with what's going on in my life - for instance, I spent the night after my brother was born throwing up, and I was all of five years old.
Last night at our childbirth class we learned about postpartum depression, which of course, I've heard lots about already. I know it's due to some hormonal imbalance, totally out of control of the mother, but really, it makes no sense to me. I am going to be so happy not to be pregnant anymore that whatever hormonal changes are occruing in my body after delivery will be easily outweighed by the sheer joy of having my body back. At least that's what I think at this point. I keep having people tell me how great I look for being nine months pregnant, and my response is usually "well I don't feel great". But I am begining to feel guilty for wanting this to be over with, I'm starting to feel like a bad mother to this baby already, which I expressed to Ian a few nights ago. He was able to point out that every other woman in our birth class was feeling the same way, which did make me feel better (or at least not as bad).
Also, did anyone ever notice the temptation to stare at pregnant women? If you do, please, for their sanity, don't. There's nothing like having someone blatently stare at you when you're already feeling like you're as big as a house to really put you over the edge. Odly enough this happens more to me out in public than, say, on campus. At school I think most of these kids go out of their way to not notice me. I've only had one classmate actually ask when I was due - and she was actually also a "non-traditional" student probably about ten years older than me, so there you go.
And speaking of things putting me over the edge, I'm convinced that there's this hormone that hasn't been discovered yet called "rage hormone". I think it may be correlated with road-rage, but it's probably found in pregnant women most often. And here's the funny thing - the thing that brings it out in me is the wind. Thrusday I was walking home and it was soooo cold and windy, I literally couldn't stand it. Now, is this a normal thing to get angry about? No, so that's why I think it's related to this rage hormone - because it makes no sense. By the time I got home I was at the point where nothing is right - you know the mail key doesn't fit right, the neighbor's car is parked too close to mine, my hair is blowing everywhere, I'm hungry, thirsty, and have to pee like a race horse. Luckily (for probably everyone driving in town at about 12:15 on Thrusday afternoon) I went in the house, put on my Mp3 player, and just chilled out for about 5 minutes before leaving to pick up Emily from school.
Sometimes it feels like all I do is rant on this journal, and it does probably make up 80% of my posts, but I guess in about five weeks, when I've got a slug of a newborn latched on to me 24/7, I'll start to feel nostalgic for this wonderful, magical, prenatal period. At that point I'll be able to look back and think "Ha! What was I thinking? I'll take the colic, the spit-up, the explosive newborn poop, and the bleary-eyed nights over being pregnant for one more second."
But mostly, (and shhhh, don't tell anyone) for all the complaining, I have no doubt that I'd do it over again ten times just to have my little boy.
Ian did just have the suggestion that perhaps my stomach problems are due to anxiety, he said "you do have a lot going on right now", which actually made some sense after I thought about it. My stomach has always seemed very in tune with what's going on in my life - for instance, I spent the night after my brother was born throwing up, and I was all of five years old.
Last night at our childbirth class we learned about postpartum depression, which of course, I've heard lots about already. I know it's due to some hormonal imbalance, totally out of control of the mother, but really, it makes no sense to me. I am going to be so happy not to be pregnant anymore that whatever hormonal changes are occruing in my body after delivery will be easily outweighed by the sheer joy of having my body back. At least that's what I think at this point. I keep having people tell me how great I look for being nine months pregnant, and my response is usually "well I don't feel great". But I am begining to feel guilty for wanting this to be over with, I'm starting to feel like a bad mother to this baby already, which I expressed to Ian a few nights ago. He was able to point out that every other woman in our birth class was feeling the same way, which did make me feel better (or at least not as bad).
Also, did anyone ever notice the temptation to stare at pregnant women? If you do, please, for their sanity, don't. There's nothing like having someone blatently stare at you when you're already feeling like you're as big as a house to really put you over the edge. Odly enough this happens more to me out in public than, say, on campus. At school I think most of these kids go out of their way to not notice me. I've only had one classmate actually ask when I was due - and she was actually also a "non-traditional" student probably about ten years older than me, so there you go.
And speaking of things putting me over the edge, I'm convinced that there's this hormone that hasn't been discovered yet called "rage hormone". I think it may be correlated with road-rage, but it's probably found in pregnant women most often. And here's the funny thing - the thing that brings it out in me is the wind. Thrusday I was walking home and it was soooo cold and windy, I literally couldn't stand it. Now, is this a normal thing to get angry about? No, so that's why I think it's related to this rage hormone - because it makes no sense. By the time I got home I was at the point where nothing is right - you know the mail key doesn't fit right, the neighbor's car is parked too close to mine, my hair is blowing everywhere, I'm hungry, thirsty, and have to pee like a race horse. Luckily (for probably everyone driving in town at about 12:15 on Thrusday afternoon) I went in the house, put on my Mp3 player, and just chilled out for about 5 minutes before leaving to pick up Emily from school.
Sometimes it feels like all I do is rant on this journal, and it does probably make up 80% of my posts, but I guess in about five weeks, when I've got a slug of a newborn latched on to me 24/7, I'll start to feel nostalgic for this wonderful, magical, prenatal period. At that point I'll be able to look back and think "Ha! What was I thinking? I'll take the colic, the spit-up, the explosive newborn poop, and the bleary-eyed nights over being pregnant for one more second."
But mostly, (and shhhh, don't tell anyone) for all the complaining, I have no doubt that I'd do it over again ten times just to have my little boy.
posted by Kate at 7:21 PM
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