Das Auto ist Kaput - 37 Weeks

So, just when you think that graduation, finals week, and the imminent birth of our child is enough to deal with, life throws you another curve ball. On Wendsday this week, the "check engine" light came on in my car.

Really, it is my fault for not getting the car checked six months ago when the oil leak was getting bad - but in my defense the reason for the check engine light was not due to the quarts of oil spraying everywhere. Oh no, it's a seperate problem all together. I've said it before, I hate cars.

Besides the car trouble, which is utlimately okay because we're getting a lot of maintence done that we should have a while ago, I'm getting so excited about the impending birth, and I feel like we've really made it. There was a time when I questioned what I was thinking trying to take all of this on while finishing up my senior year. But I don't have to sit through one more class squeezed behind a desk. There have been times when I know I haven't put forth the effort in my classes that I usually would, but I'm graduating no matter what, and the baby is healthy, so really, what more could I want?

(Just Like) Starting Over - 36 Weeks

The end is in sight. We compleated our last birth class on Thrusday. I only have to waddle home from class five more times. I'm seeing my OB every week now. And it finally feels like spring.

I had to have another ultrasound this week since I had actually lost weight they wanted to check on the baby's growth. Turns out he's doing just fine, they're guessing that he's about seven pounds already - and the technician did a 3-D ultrasound, which was awesome. I could actually see the baby's eyes, which were open, and his big cheeks, he's pretty much going to be the cutest baby ever.

My doctors are really baffled about the whole throwing up thing though. Their suggestion? Take some pepcid and sleep with my head elevated. While I do have problems with indigestion, believe me, this is not that. So, for now I'm eating lots of veggies, munching on high-protein snacks, drinking soy milk (it's not bad, it's just not real milk), and really learning first hand how vigilant vegans are. I was grating some cheese for burritos this week, and I've never wanted a little pinch of freshly grated Tillamook cheese so much, argh! And nothing sounds sweeter than a nice long chug of milk straight from the carton. Mmmmmmmm, dairy.

Well, just a few more weeks of dairy deprevation, and this whole thing will hopefully resolve itself. I just have one more week of classes, then finals, then done! I can't imagine what it will be like to have my last undergraduate class... so weird, it seems in some ways like I just started. Although when I look at Emily it certainly seems like time has indeed passed. When I came to pullman she was just over a year old, still very much a baby, and now... well next week I'll be registering her for kindergarten. She's just such a big kid now, so much more than even last year when we were still having screaming tantrums (don't be fooled by the "terrible twos, it's a myth, watch out for the threes). Sometimes I think we're crazy for starting all over again, with Emily being so independent - but I suppose that will come in handy when I've got a newborn monopolizing all my time.

The biggest difference I've noticed so far between the first and second child is that you know you're not going to be stuck with a baby forever. I spent so much time with Emily focusing on the next milestone, the next month, the next anything. I especially wanted to be done with breastfeeding (which granted, I did for a very long time), but now I'm really looking forward to just enjoying this little guy's babyhood, even the bad parts, because it really does go by fast and before I know it, he'll be starting kindergarten.

But he will actually be here before I know it - all systems are go for takeoff, and if I do happen to go into labor now, that would be that. Not that I was worried, but with the whole fluid thing, the high blood pressure thing, and various other issues, I feel like we actually made it. We've rounded the corner and there actually is light at the end of the tunnel.

Rage Against the Pregnancy - 35 Weeks

I spoke too soon I guess. Friday I woke up with a return of the stomach pain and vomiting, this particular houseguest has definitely overstayed its welcome (as if it ever was welcome). I'm just at a loss and frusterated at this point, I feel so helpless that I don't know what is causing it or how to make it go away. At least with morning sickness you know what it is, how to try to prevent it, and that it goes away. But this? As far as I can tell the only thing that is going to stop it is delivery, which thankfully is very soon.

Ian did just have the suggestion that perhaps my stomach problems are due to anxiety, he said "you do have a lot going on right now", which actually made some sense after I thought about it. My stomach has always seemed very in tune with what's going on in my life - for instance, I spent the night after my brother was born throwing up, and I was all of five years old.

Last night at our childbirth class we learned about postpartum depression, which of course, I've heard lots about already. I know it's due to some hormonal imbalance, totally out of control of the mother, but really, it makes no sense to me. I am going to be so happy not to be pregnant anymore that whatever hormonal changes are occruing in my body after delivery will be easily outweighed by the sheer joy of having my body back. At least that's what I think at this point. I keep having people tell me how great I look for being nine months pregnant, and my response is usually "well I don't feel great". But I am begining to feel guilty for wanting this to be over with, I'm starting to feel like a bad mother to this baby already, which I expressed to Ian a few nights ago. He was able to point out that every other woman in our birth class was feeling the same way, which did make me feel better (or at least not as bad).

Also, did anyone ever notice the temptation to stare at pregnant women? If you do, please, for their sanity, don't. There's nothing like having someone blatently stare at you when you're already feeling like you're as big as a house to really put you over the edge. Odly enough this happens more to me out in public than, say, on campus. At school I think most of these kids go out of their way to not notice me. I've only had one classmate actually ask when I was due - and she was actually also a "non-traditional" student probably about ten years older than me, so there you go.

And speaking of things putting me over the edge, I'm convinced that there's this hormone that hasn't been discovered yet called "rage hormone". I think it may be correlated with road-rage, but it's probably found in pregnant women most often. And here's the funny thing - the thing that brings it out in me is the wind. Thrusday I was walking home and it was soooo cold and windy, I literally couldn't stand it. Now, is this a normal thing to get angry about? No, so that's why I think it's related to this rage hormone - because it makes no sense. By the time I got home I was at the point where nothing is right - you know the mail key doesn't fit right, the neighbor's car is parked too close to mine, my hair is blowing everywhere, I'm hungry, thirsty, and have to pee like a race horse. Luckily (for probably everyone driving in town at about 12:15 on Thrusday afternoon) I went in the house, put on my Mp3 player, and just chilled out for about 5 minutes before leaving to pick up Emily from school.

Sometimes it feels like all I do is rant on this journal, and it does probably make up 80% of my posts, but I guess in about five weeks, when I've got a slug of a newborn latched on to me 24/7, I'll start to feel nostalgic for this wonderful, magical, prenatal period. At that point I'll be able to look back and think "Ha! What was I thinking? I'll take the colic, the spit-up, the explosive newborn poop, and the bleary-eyed nights over being pregnant for one more second."

But mostly, (and shhhh, don't tell anyone) for all the complaining, I have no doubt that I'd do it over again ten times just to have my little boy.

Dairy and Delusions - 34 Weeks

I think I figrued out what was causing all the throwing up, although I had been starting to think it may be milk or some kind of dairy-related problem last week and I had cut back on the milk (which is painful, I love milk, it's my favorite beverage), Ian volunteered to make a blizzard run Sunday night, and I stupidly ate one. I'm a glutton for punishment I guess because low and behold, by Monday morning my stomach was in knots - you know the feeling where throwing up is actually appealing if only it would make the pain stop.

I had a doctor's appointment that day, so as the nurse was taking my blood pressure (which has been super, by the way) I asked if she'd ever heard of anyone developing lactose intolerance during pregnancy. You know what's awesome? When one of your health care providers acts like you're some kind of deranged idiot. She replied, "um, usually people know if they're lactose intolerant before that". Duh. My doctor wasn't really more helpful, just suggested I take some Pepcid before bed. See, I guess there are too many variables during pregnancy to really figure out this problem, which makes sense, but for the time being I'm staying away from milk and most other dairy products to be on the safe side. I don't think my calcium intake will be a problem thanks to the good people at TUMS.

Also, when they weighed me at the office I had lost four pounds from two weeks ago. Luckily they're not concened about that, the baby is doing fine and growing and everything, but I really don't know what I could do to gain weight. I'm not a small person, and I eat pretty much whatever I feel like, which is sufficient enough to be on the right track, so I just don't understand it.

And speaking of eating, the thing I'll probably miss most after graduating is the blueberry muffins they sell at the coffee stand on campus. Yum. But all the deadlines are rapidly approaching - both in school and with this pregnancy. Just fifteen days of class left - that's three weeks for those of you not counting down the days. I only wish I had that kind of certainty with the baby. Early this morning I woke up forone of my many nightly batrhoom trips, and in some crazy state between sleep and awake, I thought my water had broke. I am known for being a bit wacky when I've been asleep. Once when Ian was coming home late and I had been asleep, and I asked him where my brother was, because I thought he was with Ian. I also had a dream last night about nursing the baby, which was really nice. I still can't imagine what it will be like to actually meet this baby, this little piece of me and Ian. I can't wait to see what his personality will be like and what he looks like. I'm picturing brown eyes, a little bit of light brown hair, and a very round little face. But then, I have always been a sucker for men with brown eyes.

Epidurals, Vaccums, and IVs, Oh My! - 33 Weeks

At birth class last night we learned all kinds of fun stuff - most of which I want nothing to do with. Did you know that for internal monitering of the baby during labor they use what can only be described as a cork-screw that they literally screw into the baby's scalp. Wow. No wonder they all come out crying. One minute you're floating around, all warm and cozy. The next minute some one's screwing a wire into your head - or worse. Poor little guys. I've also decided that I'm strongly opposed to getting an epidural at this point (still leaving the option open though, you never know). Nothing about that whole business sounds like a good time. I'd rather deal with a contraction than things like needles being inserted into my spine.

I don't really understand why, in 2005, a normal birth is still treated like a medical condition. Sure if there are complications, it's great to know that we have all this wonderful technology, believe me I wouldn't have wanted to give birth 100 years ago. But why, if I'm fully capable of eating ice chips or whatever, is it standard practice to have an IV? Thank goodness for birth plans.

Okay, enough with the soapbox. The class is pretty informative, and the nurse who teaches it is just wonderful. The women in the class are due both before and after me, so I'm really envious of the two due on May 3rd and 5th. I was hoping in signing up for the class that we'd meet another couple - since everyone moved out of pullman last spring (and by everyone, I mean Sara and Cameron). But it doesn't look like that will be the case. It's not that we're very interesting, believe me, look I'm posting on 9:30 on a Friday night, it's just that the rest of the people in the class are just that boring.

In baby news, we finally got the crib put together, and it looks great, things are slowly coming together. Right now Peanut seems to have slowed down with the monster kicks, he gets the hiccups a lot, which do tend to get annoying when I'm sitting in class. Sometimes there'll be this lump sticking out of my stomach, it must be a foot, or a knee? It's hard to tell, but it's strange to press down and actually feel him push back. Then there's his new trick of wedging some limb under my ribcage, and he's pretty strong so it kind of hurts. I can't really blame him though, I have a hard time getting comfortable these days too.